Album cover Greatest Hits - Goldie Lookin Chain
Greatest HitsGoldie Lookin Chain8/10

Goldie Lookin Chain - Greatest Hits

8 Apr 2006 row1
Note: Released in the US as Straight Outta Newport

The debut album from the eighteen piece 'rap' group from Newport, South Wales, UK.

Before getting into the review I should mention I should mention the following:
1. If you have problems understanding the Welsh accent and U.K slang then you might not understand anything
2. The lyrics are explicit, controversial and offensive
3. Its a comedy/music album

The first actual song on the album "Self Suicide" is about committing suicide to increase record sales. The lyrics set a tone for what to expect from the rest of the album:

Committing suicide to enhance my career
It worked for Biggie and Tupac Shakur
Jesus was nailed up to some wood
2000 years later and book sales are still good
I heard in a song suicide is painless
And it's 80% sure to make you famous
Wanking with a bag on yer head tied to a door
That bloke from INXS he knew the score
Self Suicide

So if that offends you then this albums not for you and you might as well stop reading this review.
While the above lyrics maybe offend some people they are actually quite clever and it does have a nice flow to it.

The next song "Guns Don't Kill People Rappers Do" rips on the media's perception of violence and drugs in hiphop:

Offer me the record and I'll show you the type
Of criminal this rap shit is breedin
It's a fact that MC Hammer left me bleedin
Vanilla Ice made my mother say, fuck it
If I'd stuck with UB40, then I would have been in luck
But I didn't, I got involved
Cypress fuckin Hill taught me to make a fuckin bong
Guns Don't Kill People Rappers Do
My favourite track comes next "Half Man Half Machine" about the GLC member Eggsy who thinks he is a robot. If your a nerd like me then you'll recognize all the references:
Being a robot in my digital domain
Enter my world, feel my pain
I'm not like other people you might see or you might know
I made love to a BBC micro
Touching on the disk drive, the monitor got hot
I knew from then, I was a motherfucking robot
Bill Gates from Microsoft, Stephen Hawking's voice
And fucking Lara Croft

I built a lab, secret in my loft
And built a special costume that would help me to jack off
I sat there in front of the screen
For many years, this had been my wet dream
Now I've reached it, I'm finally there
Like terminator being filmed in Aberdare
So alone, when people stop and stare
Like C3PO but with pubes and hair
Half Man Half Machine
The rest of the album continues with crude yet witty lyrics.

But what bout the beats?
The beats are also pretty ... pretty good and suite each of the songs.

Overall the album is very consistent and there isn't really any bad tracks, just some aren't as funny as the others.
This is definitely the best comedy album I have ever heard and has great replay value, I look forward to reviewing the follow up "Safe as F**K"

Sardless Tracks

  • Self Suicide
  • Half Man Half Machine
  • Your Mothers Got A Penis

Track Listing

  1. The Manifesto
  2. Self Suicide
  3. Guns Dont Kill People Rappers Do
  4. Half Man Half Machine
  5. Roller Disco
  6. Soap Bar
  7. Billy Webbs Lament
  8. Your Mothers Got A Penis
  9. The Maggot
  10. You Knows I Loves You
  11. Leeroy Fashion Lament
  12. 21 Ounces